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Author: FinanceGuy Subject: 12 years of Marriage and 3 kids later

Posts: 4
Registered: 07-10-2011

posted on 07-10-2011 at 16:24 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
12 years of Marriage and 3 kids later


First time poster here, thought it would help if I got all of this off my chest.

So here goes.

I'll spare some details and in light try to make an interesting read. Bear with me, this will be long.

In the beginning, we were set up by my neice in 1995. I had just got out of a brutal relationship and had a child and just only wanted to be friends. She persued me for almost a year and a half. She finally had enough and told me that if I wanted a relationship with her either I needed to shit or get off the pot she was moving on. 1997 came around, and we slept together, first time for us on New Years eve/Day, commencing the beginning of our relationship. 4 months later we learn that we are expecting. I love kids but not being married and new to the relationship was scary.

October of 1997 I was in a terrible accident and broke my hip in ten places and was in the hospital for 7 days. During the initial shock of it all, she was right by myside. Pregnant and all. As I lay on the stretcher I took her hand and asked her to marry me. Crying, she said yes.

A year and 2 months after our son was born, we were married. This was in 1999. Come the year 2000, we got a new computer (yes we were one of those, "we'll wait until after Y2K to see if everything will still work doubters...")

I noticed that she would come to bed late, as she would be chatting and talking to people. I wasn't really involved with the chat scene at all. I was really involved with online rpg games. Anyhow, I found out that she was getting really involved with online friends rather than have a relationship with me. We talked it out, small bump in the road. Keep in mind I was out of work for almost a year, recooping from my broken hip. After I was able to go back to work, I was working 3 jobs just to make ends meet.

After I got my settlement from my accident, we paid off all the bills and decided to move to another state to be closer to her dad. At this time we were still struggling from bills, so I would drive back and forth between the two states, about a 4 hour drive, work two weeks, make enough money and come home to visit.

After about 4-5 months of working this way, which we would communicate via the internet chatting devices, AOL/Yahoo messengers, saving on phone bills, it was nice. September 11th happened. Work was halted and I couldn't make much more money so decided to come home early and stay there and find work there.

I get home and everything was great; didn't realize that she had a female room mate stay with her while I was away to help with the house and now our 2 children. I get home and she was out and about at the grocery store. I pulled up the computer and started looking around. She had her email still up, (Yes, knowing this is wrong, I couldn't help it...) I started snooping around. I found out that she was seeing this other guy behind my back while I was 4 hours away busting my ass trying to make money for our family.

I confronted her about it immediately. Long story short, she confessed, we worked through it. At this time we decided, let's have an open marriage. We both sought out to find others to engage sexual relationships only to fulfill the needs of our perverted ways. I find a woman who wanted to be a part of that. Wife is not Bi, nor was the other woman. So we set up a time for us to meet. Wife seemed to be ok with it, and when we met we didn't do anything. I came home and wife was upset because I went, gave me a guilt trip, until I told her nothing happened. Time went on. I found out later that she had a guy come stay the night with her WITH my kids, etc...

She told me nothing happened, and I believed her, but it was still the point that happened. I found a note book with all of her "trophies" numbered down the line. The first guy she lost her virginity to down to....wait...my name was like 24th, but there were 2 other names below mine. I confronted her about it. She said she forgot and put the 2nd name after the guy she cheated on me with below his name. Conveniently her old boyfriend. Odd eh?

So, me and this other chick finally meet up for the 2nd time. This time, we got it on. Stayed there until 6 in the morning. It was awesome. My wife gave me permission for all those shaking their heads out there. I came back the next morning, and she asked how did it go. I remembered the last time I told her that I didn't do anything, and I told her a lie. Again, it was wrong and I know it. I told her she started oral but I stopped her because I felt bad. Ok big fat lie. She was ok with that and we moved on. So we set up another try, and again, same thing, 6 in the morning all night sex affair. I told my wife nothing happened again. She went out with a guy, I talked to her on webcam, nothing happened with him and her, they were just good friends. Whatever.

So I set up a 4th time with me and this other girl. Again, another 6am sexual knock out session. I left the next morning and realized I forgot my wallet. Holy shit. I got home and she asked me how it went. I told her I forgot my wallet, and of course, how could I lie anymore about it. So I told her the truth and the truth about all the other times, even though, I had full out permission to do whatever I wanted.

Not in her eyes. She considered that cheating. I felt it was a ploy to get me to "cheat" on her to make it even. That she cheated, and so did I. Whatever.

Point to the above is Open Marriages do NOT work. Don't try it.

So we move back to our original state we lived in. Business picked back up after 911 and I got back to work. She picked up a job traveling around. I was ok with it, we left all the bad stuff behind and it was great.

Until 1 afternoon when she was acting shady and then I started looking on the computer again. This time I put a keylogger, (YES I know it's wrong to spy! I have my faults to you know!) And found out that on her many adventures traveling around the state, she had another affair with a guy. I was beside myself. Again? Holy shit. Not again. So this time, I had enough, told her that we were done. I moved into the spare bedroom and we were "roommates" until we could get a divorce. This was about 2002. We have been married for about 3 years at this point.

I started going online to date sites and chatting to meet female friends. I found a girl to meet up with, I had NO intentions of having anything go on. And nothing did. I even told her that I was ready to move on and we were done. She realized that I was a good father and doing my best etc...and decided to try to work it all out. 2003 came a long and I got a new job and I was awaiting the arrival of the lady friend to move to my state. Again, I wanted no relationship with this other woman.

My wife told her mother about everything and the mother-in-law wrote me a letter saying that I need to realize what a good family I have, and a good wife, and to stop thinking with my pants. It clicked, she doesn't even know about all the cheating her daughter has been doing.

My wife, soon to be ex-wife at the time got really jealous and started teasing me, and my male genes gave in and we had sex. She told my lady friend about it and my lady friend told me she never wanted to see me again. Fine I understood.

We decided to work things out again. Everything was going so much better at my new job, getting pay raises. We moved to another house. Couple more years went by, my father dies, rough couple of years. And finally after about 7 years, my wife gave me my first blow job. I had NEVER asked her to perform oral on me because she talked about having some issues with it being a child and I never asked her. But she did it. I thought our relationship was golden.

Until I found out that she was STILL talking to the guy she cheated on me with. Son of a bitch, what do I have to do to get rid of these guys? Get psycho and threaten to kill them? No I'd probably go to jail. So we had a falling out, again. Talked about seperation, and I got two jobs so I could support two households. She went off to another house, and I stayed at my old house.

We worked it out again, and got passed the trust issues, convinced ourselves that communication was key. My biggest fault was this. I sincerely paid more attention to the computer than my wife and I admit it. Online games engulfed me.

We moved to another city, and again, all was well. 2 years go by, at this point we've been married 10 years. Our sex life was great. We didn't have it every night, but it was the kind of sex that I could fantasize about later on. It was awesome.

House fire came. Killed our two dogs and we were devestated. Homeless and scared. We were renting at this point, looking for a place to buy. So I already had contacts laid out. This year in March, bought a 4 bedroom 1 bath house. It is great. Again, sex life is wonderful, we do our own things. Etc...Through the last few years, she would go out with friends, and I would get jealous, because I worked long hours and damnit I need/want to have fun some times as well.

So even at the new house she would go out, and have fun. The weekend of the 4th of July comes and again, everything is fine. So I thought.

Prologue - We are the sappy couple, and I have so much fun with her. I love her smile, her attitude, her sense of humor etc... When we talk on the phone, before we hang up, even after 12 years of marriage we tell each other we love the other. When we leave the house or get home, we kiss each other 3 times for whatever reason because it was habit and we missed each other.

2 weeks ago, she had made plans with her mom for me and the kids to stay out there to her house. (Since she lives in the country and all, and shooting off fireworks is legal there) But didn't consult me, I let it go, no big deal. I asked her to borrow a lighter (which we don't smoke anymore) to allow my son to let off some smoke grenades. She says to me, "I wouldn't let him, so why would I let you?" I replied, "because I'm a grown ass man and I don't need your permission to do something like that...." Pissed her off, she threw the lighter at me.

Her two brothers come into town, one of the brothers is married, the other going through a divorce, their friend who is 36 and his son.

All is fine until July 3rd when it's time to leave the in laws house. One brother in law that is married left his dog at our house and wanted to go back to take care of it. The friend wanted to go to. I didn't trust this friend so much so I was trying to plan on figuring out how to go back without much distraction. My other brother says to me, "Go be with your wife, I'll keep the kids here, have fun." I thought wow, that's awesome, ok!

We are getting ready to leave and her mom walks out, my wife is PISSED! Her mom says, that's cool, kid free and you two can spend time together.

My wife responds in a very sarcastic way, "Doesn't do anything FOR ME since I have to get up and go to work in the morning..."

So we take off. Earlier that day, my wife invites one of her married friends and her 3 children out to the house for swimming and such. They rode with us, no big deal.

The friend, the 36 year old friend of her brothers, was hitting on my wifes friend hardcore. And the married friend was rubbing his crotch and holding hands with him. (I'll share another story on this in a moment. So don't forget about this part. Married woman, in front of her kids, holding hands and rubbing a guys crotch in front of her own children.)

I asked the married friend if she wanted to sit up front, knowing full well it was making her kids uncomfortable. She declines. The whole ride home, about an hour, my wife doesn't talk to me, doesn't look at me, nothing. She said she was going to drop us off first, then her married friend and come back.

After we get dropped off, brother, sister in law, friend looks at me and says, "Why is she pissed at you?" I was like, I have NO idea. I find out that wife was pissed because I came back with her and she made plans for me to specifically stay there. Now why in hell would that happen? And when did she consult me? Nope!

She gets home and goes to the bedroom, while we were sitting at the table having a few cocktails. I go in there and lay down beside her. I said, what's going on, are we ok? That's when she dropped the bomb. "I don't know what I want anymore..."

WTF?!?!?!?!? I get upset and take off walking. I walk for like 6 miles, the brother, sister in law, friend, wife texting me, calling me, etc...it started raining. I was out on a walk to clear my head. Nothing more. I get back to the house, just like I told them I would do.

Finished out the night, just fine. Went to bed beside her, and the next day happened. 4th of July celebrations was fine except one thing. The WHOLE day, my wife ignored me. Just one night to the next, just different. WTF changed, So I decided to give her some space. But every day that passed, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.....was like I was in awe. She ignored me. She wouldn't say two words to me. Thursday night, she decided to go to bed, and I laid in there next to her. My heart was POUNDING. I said feel my heart. She said, yeah, it's racing. I said, we have to talk, it's killing me.

Ultimately she said she wants to do her own thing, and doesn't want to be married and doesn't know what she wants anymore, and tells me that she doesn't think we can work it out anymore.

I go off, emotionally I wanted to end my life. I am NOT suicidal. I was just freaked out. I know I'm not the perfect husband, and I've got my faults, but wow, fucking left field with this? Over night? Really?

She said it's been going on for some time now. So I asked her. "Have you been talking to other guys?" She says, No. I confronted her. I know for a fact that she has been talking to guys off of Craigslist. She was like, "how did you find out???????" I said, I have my ways, and I'm sorry that I just had a feeling that you were acting shady again. I said, yeah we have unresolved trust issues that we've never worked out and you never wanted to address them, and neither did I.

I told her the last time she threw divorce in my face I was going to call her on it. She went out last night, wouldn't tell me where she was going, and you know what? I don't care anymore. I'm tired of being hurt. She was the love of my life and I don't want divorce, but to me I seem to be a burden to her happiness. And they say that if you love something so much, sometimes you have to set it free.

One last thing.

Remember the married friend? Well about 3 weeks ago my wife goes over to that friends house because she was upset. A friend of hers got mad at her and spread lies and rumors at their work because the married friend told her cheating on her husband was wrong. Wait a damn minute.

Wasn't she the one that was holding hands and rubbing a strangers crotch in front of her own children?

That's why I thought my wife was ignoring me, she was jealous of the attention that her married friend was getting. And she was getting none.

That's about it. I know in the end that I tried. We both have our faults. We both have our issues. I'm not blaming her for everything but damnit, I'm hurting here.

For all the guys or ladies out there that is hurting. You are not alone.
View User's Profile E-Mail User View All Replies By Infinity2174 (only searches replies by default, for topics please run another search) U2U Member

Posts: 4
Registered: 07-10-2011

posted on 08-18-2011 at 17:45 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator

Wow, really, 285 views and not one reply. I guess I didn't ask for a reply. But no comments? Ok.

New information:

I found out that she has been sending nude pics of herself to the first guy she cheated on me with on July 5th, 2 days after she told me that she didn't know what she wanted, before she officially said divorce. I don't get it.
View User's Profile E-Mail User View All Replies By Infinity2174 (only searches replies by default, for topics please run another search) U2U Member

Posts: 4
Registered: 09-30-2011

posted on 09-30-2011 at 15:26 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
Too long

I think people need the Cliff Notes version. I'm guessing you didn't get a reply because its just too long for most people to get through.
View User's Profile E-Mail User View All Replies By FinanceGuy (only searches replies by default, for topics please run another search) U2U Member
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