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Author: XO_stepdad Subject: Maybe I can help.
seekingadventure247
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Registered: 10-05-2009
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posted on 10-05-2009 at 15:41 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
Maybe I can help.

When I got divorced I was heartbroken. I didn’t know what it was that I did wrong. Over time I came to terms with myself and realized that not ALL of it was my fault. After a while I snapped out of it and took baby steps toward a positive and healthy way to cope with what had happened. I did this by hiking. I live in Jerome, AZ and usually drive up to Sedona every weekend. If you all who are reading this have never seen Sedona, AZ you should Google it. It is the most gorgeous place on earth. I hike there all the time now. It’s a bit of a drive but I can honestly say that the sights that I explore and the physical activity have done wonders for my mental sate as well as my physical appearance. I kind of let myself go when I was married as I’m sure a lot of you have had this same experience. I was about thirty pounds overweight when I got divorced and now I’m back down to my usual weight and living a healthy lifestyle. Whenever I feel myself dwelling on loneliness or our separation I always either jog, or read a book. Getting my mind off of it and trying to make myself realize that I can still be happy again is definitely an uphill battle but its one that’s rewarding and uplifting when it is accomplished. I hope this helps those of you out there who are in the early stages of a break up. It’s rough for the first few months but constantly try to fill yourself with positive affirmations. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are attractive and worthy of a soul mate and you will find him/her eventually. Its like that Saturday Night Live skit where he says “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and dog on it people like me.” Sounds silly but if you do it all the time it loses its humor an starts getting real.
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rduke_samoa
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Posts: 2
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posted on 10-05-2009 at 15:46 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
But...

What if there are no good places to hike where you live? I live in a vastly rural area and have no where beautiful or adventurous to hike. I can see how that would be helpful but what about people like us who literally live far from anyone? My wife left me two months ago and I have no one around to talk to at all past the locals at the bar, which are far from good people to associate with. I have no where to look and no where to go as an outlet. What would you suggest then?
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seekingadventure247
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Posts: 3
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posted on 10-05-2009 at 15:55 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
There is still hope for you!

The same thing applies, just because you have no mountains to hike or beautiful scenery to enjoy doesn't necessarily hold true. Mountains maybe but there is beauty in everything you see. Its all about your mentality. I can see how your situation would be especially difficult because no one is around that you can talk to. Do you have a bike? Have you considered any physical activity? Getting in shape and rediscovering yourself is really key in getting out of the state of mind your in right now. I would recommend if you can to travel a little bit and see the world, or at least the rest of the United States. Just because you live in a small town doesn't mean you can't get out. Have you considered moving to a more populated area? All hope is not lost rduke you just have to see that there is hope first and then thrive for your own personal contentment. Seeking adventure 247 is how I live my life and it has proved to be the best decision I have ever made for myself. Like I said, it sounds silly but positive affirmations go a long way if you do it constantly. Tell yourself constantly you are a good person with a great personality and anyone in their right mind would be crazy not to want to be around you. Do that all the time and you yourself will start to believe that. Once you believe that about yourself that mentallity will be projected to others which in turn will make it true. These are the steps you need to take to be able to properly cope with your issues. Hang in there and I promise you will be nothing but successful in the long run. Never lose hope and always look toward the future. With that being said let me say this last: Carpe Diem (Seize the day!).
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curlygurly017
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posted on 10-05-2009 at 15:58 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
Very True!

This is all true seekingadventure247. The way you can cope with a horrible thing such as divorce is to think outside of this box you created for yourself. Keep telling yourself all of those things but get out of your town for a while and meet people! Even if its just for a moment. Live every day to the fullest! If youdon't mind me asking rduke_samoa, where do you live, and do you have the ability to take a break and just travel? Or at least get yourself active again?
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rduke_samoa
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posted on 10-05-2009 at 16:02 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
Thanks to all of you

Thank you so much for your words of wisdom and support. I will definitely try what you have adviced. Curlygurly, as to your questions I used to own a farm and inherited a lot of money when my parents died. My wife left me because I wanted to stay in the town we lived in even though its secluded. I told her I would consider moving and one day I woke up and she was gone. Its been really hard for me to believe she would do this to me. I live in Indiana. I have the ability to travel and think I may. I'm just so scared of being in seclusion even if I'm surrounded by new faces. I'm not a very sociable person.
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seekingadventure247
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Posts: 3
Registered: 10-05-2009
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posted on 10-05-2009 at 16:04 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
First

Start with what I was saying about constantly uplifting yourself. Try to be active and get out as much as possible even if only to go to the library. Once you feel more confident in yourself then go explore the world! Hell, come down to Arizona and I'll show you Sedona. Its amazing! All is not lost buddy I can promise you that. What has happened to you really stinks but it isn't the end of the world and it doesn't mean that you are a bad person. Like curlygurly said I believe think outside the box!
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belljar28
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posted on 10-06-2009 at 09:55 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
Ok dude listen

So if you have read any of my other posts you will see that normally I'm pretty sarcastic. With that being said this post for some reason or other made me want to interject. I personally agree with everyone else as far as what RDuke_Samoa should do to get his mind off of his predicament. We all have been there and I like the way everyone is trying to support new divorcees thats really nice. I was in the same boat as far as being secluded I actually lived in Lima, Ohio. If anyone has been there you will see that not a lot is ever going on. Its just a boondock town and the people there pretty much keep to themselves. I started to read. I never liked reading before but figured that I needed to do something to get my mind off of it besides drinking all of the time, which is definitely what I was doing. I got really in to Stephen King. RDuke, I'm not sure if reading is your thing but I can say that it wasn't mine either until I made a decision to do it. After the first good book was over I was OBSESSED with reading and to this day I am always putting my nose in a book. I find it healthy, productive, and it also makes me more sociable and outgoing. Find what you want in yourself by reading the lives of other characters fictional or non. Thats what I did.
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XO_stepdad
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posted on 01-06-2010 at 17:00 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
get mad skills

these guys are all totally right. i think the best way to dael with a bad situation i cant control is to distract myself with something healthy. the best part about it is that you can give yourself new skills and make yourself a better well rounded person. personally, i used cooking to get away from my torubles. before i knew it, i could make like 30 different meals without the recipe. then you'll be able to impress the next person you date!
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