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Author: amma Subject: When my parents divorced...
fllv1985
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posted on 10-06-2009 at 16:05 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
When my parents divorced...

When I was in third grade my parents got a divorce. I’m 24 years old now and married but me and wife are having problems. My parents were extremely loud when they fought I remember that. They were always screaming at eachother and slamming doors and stuff like that. I remember when they got a divorce I thought it was my fault because I wanted to read a scary book. I asked my mom and she said no, so I asked my dad and he said yes. A simple tactic used by many kids yes but this caused a huge fight between them and the next thing I knew my dad left. I thought it was my fault and was never told on the contrary but never vocalized this opinion. After a while I stopped thinking that way but I developed some distaste for my mother because of it. She would always try and convince me and my sisters of how wrongly my dad treated her and my dad never said anything about her although it was apparent that he wasn’t very fond of her anymore at all. Over the years I grew to resent my mom and love my dad more because he was passive and she was vocal. She would always say things like “I have never tried to turn you against your father.” Right after she would blatently bad mouth him in front of me and my sisters. I really think that because she involved me in so many of her personal problems with him I became very resentful of her because of the way that he acted on the contrary of what she would say. I formulated my opinions of them based on actions and not words. My dad always treated us right and was very loving. He would take us hiking and cook really good food, rent movies and play board games with us when we would visit him and the whole situation took on this toll of when we go to dad’s house its fun time. Mom’s house was where all the drama and punishment occurred. We only saw my dad biweekly. Its because of all of these things that my mom and me ended up not speaking for a long while. I know she didn’t mean to do anything wrong but its obvious to me now that the way she acted directly affected how my view of her and my dad came to be. I think this should be good advice to anyone who has kids and is getting a divorce. Keep your kids out of your problems completely. If my mom didn’t badmouth my dad all the time and if I were to have seen my dad and my mom equally I think I would have had a lot less problems growing up then what I did.
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new_slang
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posted on 01-04-2010 at 15:20 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
thanks!

Thanks for sharing your story fllv1985, it's sad to read but also uplifting because you are fully aware of what happened to you mentally.

It is very true that the actions of parents during a divorce will affect their children accordingly, and this story is an obvious example. Because your parents did not communicate enough with you, because they didn't make it clear that their separation was not your fault, you took the blame on to yourself. This often happens because children have no other way of explaining what is happening.

I am learning that communication is the key in divorce. If clear communication is not happening between parents and children, those children will probably have a touger time getting past the divorce in a healthy way.
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XO_stepdad
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posted on 01-06-2010 at 16:39 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
Avoid spoiling

thanks for the story that puts it in perspective for me for sure. i have been reading a lot of stuff online and it all seems to all point to the same things like communication and honesty but i am still worried
when i am with my daughter, all i want to do is spoil her. I see her and care so much for her that i just don't care about anythying but making her feel happy and smile. i dont think she just thinks of me as the fun parent, but i really wouldnt know either way i guess. then i read all these articles about how dangerous it is to do that kind of stuff, like im trying to make her like me more than her mother. i just don't understand! what is too much? waht is too little? How do i know when im going to far or giving to much?
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mirandacruz
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posted on 06-27-2010 at 10:18 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
Divorce

When my parents split before. I didn't feel anything. At that time, I was thinking that maybe they should just part ways. They're better off separated.

They bicker most of the time. They throw insults towards each other.
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GolfingLife
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posted on 08-19-2010 at 11:25 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
what happened then

You said you did not feel much when your parents divorced, in fact you thought that it would probably be a good thing for them.

Did you also think it would be the best thing for you? Now that time has passed, do you think it was?

How did your parents treat you once they were divorced? Did they try to spoil you or grasp for your attention?
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davidhauge01
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posted on 09-28-2010 at 21:58 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
advise


This is like exactly what have been dealing with and came onto this kind of site for, does anybody have any advice? I did not have problems with my parents divorcing or anything like that but I am nervous that my marriage might be on the rocks and our kid could be affected the most, that is just terrfying because it feels so selfish. on the other hand we deserve to be happy ourselves and shouldnt stick together in some fake marriage. we are not at that point yet, and i hope things get better i just worry about my boy so much its hard to ignore.

Crystal Jade Psychics
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Link_29
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posted on 11-19-2010 at 14:58 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
A good approach

'When my parents split before. I didn't feel anything. At that time, I was thinking that maybe they should just part ways. They're better off separated.

They bicker most of the time. They throw insults towards each other. '


I think that if that is the situation you were presented with, and you were able to observe the situation in such a mature way, you were lucky. The biggest thing that affects children of divorce is often the fact that they don't actually understand what is going on. Once that starts happening, the children believe they are the reason for the divorce in a lot of cases. It's unfortunate, but I'm glad that you were able to observe that situation clearly and realize that you were no the cause of the problem/problems they were having. When you can see that they are not treating each other well, it probably makes a parental divorce much easier to deal with.
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Anto
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posted on 08-08-2011 at 08:38 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
Hey!

Thanks for sharing your story :)
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Anto
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posted on 08-08-2011 at 08:45 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
:)

You can check also more info about how Divorce can affect on children...i just like this web, have good artciles about Divorce... www.thedivorcepill.com/blog
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jennica
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posted on 10-10-2011 at 02:17 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
Nice Story

This is very inspiring. I am really touched by your own experience and I think even other people who will read your post will learned a lot. As a parent, I should thank you for sharing your ideas on how to have a good relationship within the whole family to prevent conflict that could effect a big impact to the children.


Colorado divorce
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ShaneJimison
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posted on 10-17-2011 at 21:58 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
Your story is really great source of inspiration.

-
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johnchristopher
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posted on 11-27-2012 at 21:12 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
divorce

Hi, divorce will spoil the child's life. So you will think and conclude. Thanks for sharing the your experience




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margarethelen
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posted on 11-29-2012 at 05:28 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
Hi

I agree with this. In my suggestion is first of all you have to care with your child career and your career also included. So you will discuss with your lawyer and then decide.
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amma
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posted on 04-16-2014 at 16:01 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
Children Suffered Great

Hi

This is my very first post reply to the forum, its one of an important but very complicated aspect of divorce. You did a nice job in expressing your views, most of the parents didn't care about the feelings of their children especially in their personal problems, there is no doubt, every parents love their child but don't knowwhy they make them disturbed; although these parents don't know they are not even doing bad with their child but they are doing bad to their next coming generation.

Thanks
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